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Casual Relationship Contracts
If you are planning to get married in the near future, you may have given some thought to a prenuptial agreement. For those with complicated finances or business interests, a prenuptial agreement can be used to help avoid problems down the road. But what about your relationship itself? Is there anything you can do to designate who will have what responsibilities during your marriage? As it turns out, there just might be a type of non-binding contract worth your consideration.
A New Type of Marriage Contract
The New York Times recently ran an article entitled “To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line” which has created a great deal of interest in various circles. The author explains that she and her boyfriend use a relationship contract to keep track of their mutual goals and aspirations as well as to spell out rules for their relationship. The two live together so the contract specifies everything from who will do what chores and when to a dog-walking schedule to financial guidelines. For example, the contract provides that when the couple goes out to dinner the bill will be split but leaves exceptions for special events or if one person wants to treat the other. The author admits that this idea may seem businesslike, but that is it deeply important to her and her partner. “Writing a relationship contract may sound calculating or unromantic,” she writes, “but every relationship is contractual; we’re just making the terms more explicit. It reminds us that love isn’t something that happens to us — it’s something we’re making together.”
How Stalkers Can Use Your Own Phone Against You
Cyberstalking is becoming an increasingly common component of domestic abuse. Most cell phones have GPS and location features which could be providing an abuser with a victim’s exact location, and it happens more than you might think.
To determine the extent of the problem, NPR interviewed 70 domestic violence shelters across the United States, and the results are staggering. Nearly 85 percent of shelters reported that they work with victims whose abusers used GPS to stalk and harass them. Even more disturbing, three-quarters of shelters have found hidden apps on victims’ mobile devices used to eavesdrop on conversations. Most domestic abuse shelters encourage victims to turn off the location services on their cell phones and to disconnect from social media apps like Facebook to help prevent this.
The Main Goal of Stalking Is to Gain Control
Cell phones are not the only risk related to being cyberstalked. A woman in Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts, discovered a GPS tracking device in her shoes, which was feeding location information to her abuser. Many abusers will use the information gathered from these types of malware to harass their victims and gain power over them. For example, an abuser may constantly question the victims’ whereabouts and forbid them from going to certain homes or locations.
Understanding Postnuptial Agreements
Prenuptial agreements are fairly common among married couples in this day and age. They can be used to clarify ownership assets, resolve questions of property division in the event of a divorce, and a host of other legal concerns. However, many couples do not sign prenuptial agreements only to discover a need for such an agreement later in the relationship. In such cases, fortunately, a postnuptial agreement may be an option.
Why a Postnuptial Agreement?
Postnuptial agreements are those conducted after a couple is married, but before any divorce plans—if they ever occur. They may cover many of the same questions as prenuptial agreements, but not all. Some considerations—such as the disposition of assets or debts acquired since the marriage began—are only going to appear in a postnuptial agreement.
One of the common reasons for couples to consider a postnuptial agreement is when one or both partners decide to embark on a new business opportunity or enter into another situation that might put several marital assets at risk. In cases like this, a postnuptial agreement can safeguard some of the marital assets that might otherwise be at risk if the business fails. Another other common reason is when a couple is experiencing problems, but the spouses are hesitant to divorce lest they lose certain assets. If property is a settled question, some people feel more comfortable making a decision about the future of the marriage.
Establishing Paternity of Your Child
While more and more couples are having children before marriage or even eschewing marriage altogether, it is still imperative for any child to have two legally recognized parents. If this step is not taken, your child may miss out on advantages that stem from the achievements or status of their parents—opportunities that could make an enormous difference in their lives.
Paternity Laws in Illinois
The Illinois Parentage Act governs issues of paternity, and it sets out three ways that paternity can be established if the parents are not married at either the time of the child’s conception or birth. If the parents are married, the mother’s spouse is presumed by law to be the child’s other legal parent. To establish paternity otherwise, the parents have three options:
- Voluntary acknowledgment, demonstrated by signing a Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity (VAP) form at the time of the child’s birth or soon after. Both parents will sign the form, meaning it is almost always used in instances where parentage in not disputed;
Valuation of Marital Assets
For many couples, dividing the marital estate is one of the most challenging elements of the divorce process. Before the property that constitutes the marital estate can be allocated between the spouses, the value of the assets must be established.
Equitable Distribution in Illinois
With very limited exceptions, Illinois law provides that property—including assets and debts—acquired by either spouse during a marriage is considered marital property. Marital property is subject to division in a divorce. Absent a negotiated agreement between the spouses, the court is statutorily required to divide the marital estate in a manner that is equitable and just based on an examination of a large number of circumstantial factors. It is important to realize that “equitable” does not necessarily mean “equal” so one spouse could receive a larger portion of the marital estate than the other.
Helping Your Children Manage Your Divorce
A divorce is almost always incredibly stressful for everyone involved. Young children, however, often experience the most serious challenges adjusting to all of the changes. A divorce can also affect a child for years to come after the final decree is entered. There are a number of things that you can do as a parent can help your child manage the reality of your divorce.
Listen to Their Concerns and Problems
As with adults, children feel most loved and cared for if they feel that that their parents are listening to them. This is more than just letting them talk. Listening means that you must show you understand what they are worried about and refrain from expressing judgment. While you may be able to offer solutions, your children should not be made to feel guilty about their thoughts and feelings.
Find Someone to Help You
You may feel like you are doing well, but a divorce can wear you down. It is easy to vent to your children and to give more them more information than they know how to handle. This kind of venting can confuse children, make them feel anxious, and can harm their relationship with the other parent. If you need to speak with someone, find a trusted friend or a professional counselor. Be sure to have such conversations away from your children. Doing so will likely give you more patience with your children and can help you manage your stress level.
Common Signs Your Spouse May Be Cheating
Did you know that in Illinois it could technically be a crime to cheat on your spouse? In fact, if the “other man” or “woman” knows that you are married, he or she could also be breaking the law. According to the Illinois Criminal Code, adultery—both for a married person and a person who knows his or her partner is married—is considered a misdemeanor criminal offense “if the behavior is open and notorious.” The caveat was originally intended to prevent philanderers from publicly flaunting their infidelity by living with someone who was not their spouse and, as a result, offending the sensibilities of society and degrading the institution of marriage. By the letter of the law, this would even apply to people who are currently in the process of a divorce.
As you might expect, law enforcement officers and prosecutors, by and large, have little interest in looking to convict those who cheat on their spouses. To illustrate, the last known example of an adultery charge being filed happened 20 years ago, and Cook County prosecutors declined to pursue the case.
Divorce Challenges for Older Couples
While the divorce rate has been steadily declining for most age groups, those nearing retirement age (the Baby Boomers) have seen a drastic increase over the last couple of decades. In some ways, this could be a positive thing; it attests to the improved independence of women and the improved quality and longevity of life. There are some potential drawbacks, especially when it comes to retirement. If you are planning on divorcing later in life, it is important to be aware of what may lie ahead.
Divorce Later in Life Can Impact Retirement
Most couples who have been together for two or more decades have prepared for retirement together. This means they have, in many cases, created a pension plan that is designed to support one set of bills, one mortgage, and one set of living expenses. When divorce occurs near the retirement stage, this can throw everything into disarray. The retirement plan must now be divided, and each party will have their own set of bills and living expenses. There is a good chance there will not be enough to go around, and with less time to recover from this financial hit, later-life divorcees may be at serious risk for divorce-induced poverty.
Family Court Judge Issues Controversial Order
Most of us have heard stories about parents who for one reason or another—and often many reasons combined—were the subject of an investigation by child protective agencies. It is possible, as you are most likely aware, for such investigations to result in the termination of parental rights if the situation is found to present serious danger to the children. Agencies like the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) are tasked with keeping children safe even if it means separating them from their parents in some cases.
While protecting children is certainly an admirable and necessary goal, is it possible for agencies and family courts to go too far? A recent decision by a family court judge in New York has raised that exact question.
Limits on Future Pregnancy
Judge Patricia Gallaher issued a court order in December that directed a Rochester, NY, woman to avoid getting pregnant again. The woman—a known prostitute—had already lost custody of her four children based on findings of neglect. In her order, the judge stated that the woman was not to get pregnant again until she had regained custody of her infant son.
Social Media Could Impact Your Divorce
According to recent estimates, approximately 1.86 billion people around the world use Facebook regularly. The use of Facebook and other forms of social media to express one’s daily thoughts and opinions has become a popular aspect of modern culture in today’s society. For those who are going through a divorce, however, social media use can create some unique challenges. While posting updates or pictures may seem innocent, almost any personal detail uploaded to a social network has the potential to be exploited by a former partner for his or her own advantage.
Courts Review Social Media Activity
During a divorce, all aspects of a couple’s life are subject to scrutiny by the court. Information posted on Facebook and other social sites, whether it be posted by an individual involved in a divorce or a third party, can often be cast in a negative light during divorce proceedings.
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