How Is Divorcing a Narcissist Different?

 Posted on December 19, 2024 in Divorce

Although there are many "professional" definitions of a narcissist, anyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist knows more than he or she wants to know about this particular personality type. While being married to a narcissist can range from challenging to traumatic, divorcing a narcissist is often an outright nightmare.

The narcissistic spouse will often attempt to drag out a divorce for the longest amount of time possible. This spouse is unlikely to care about his or her own additional divorce-related expenses so long as the other spouse is being "punished" for the divorce. Narcissistic spouses are also likely to use every tactic available to turn friends, family members, and even the other spouse’s own divorce attorney against him or her.

The best defense against a narcissistic spouse during divorce is to be fully prepared for every potential situation. Perhaps one of the most important steps you can take is to hire a highly experienced Arlington Heights, IL divorce attorney who has a good understanding of how to deal with a narcissist.  

What Are the Primary Personality Traits of a Narcissist?

Although there are women with narcissistic personality disorder, most narcissists are men. A narcissist is a person who:

• Is totally egocentric
• Has an inflated sense of self-importance
• Feels superior to others
• Has little capacity for empathy
• Has an excessive need for attention and admiration
• Has learned, over time, to hide many narcissistic traits to make himself or herself appealing to others
• Often appears charming, enthusiastic, and outgoing on first meetings
• Tends to boast about achievements, talents, possessions, and friends
• Gravitates toward influential careers with social status and power
•  Is psychologically incapable of having genuine relationships
• Is likely to choose a spouse who is physically attractive, emotionally accommodating, young, and who comes from the "right" socio-economic background.
• Is often unable to differentiate between a lie and the truth
• Makes others feel inferior in order to feel good about himself or herself
• Is a master of manipulation

Divorce Settlement or Trial?

Unfortunately, few narcissistic spouses will agree to a settlement, as they tend to revel in using the system against their spouse. Courtroom drama gives the narcissist the stage he or she desires to "play" everyone else in the room while charming the judge. During issues with the couple’s children, the narcissistic parent will often use the children as pawns for retaliation and revenge.

Divorce and the allocation of parental responsibilities is even more difficult for the spouse of a narcissist since these spouses have likely endured narcissistic abuse for years. The spouse of a narcissist is more likely to exhibit self-doubt, helplessness, and anxiety and may have difficulties setting boundaries from years of "walking on eggshells" to keep the peace.

The narcissist’s spouse is used to being told everything is his or her fault, so expends excessive time, energy, and resources to accomplish anything asked by the narcissist. Do not expect a narcissistic spouse to cooperate, as they are much more likely to manipulate, blame others, and exploit throughout the divorce. The narcissistic spouse is likely to:

• Deny court orders
• Refuse to negotiate
• Refuse to provide requested financial information
• Use the children as pawns
• Refuse to listen to his or her own lawyer

Divorce tends to bring out the very worst traits in a narcissist, and any of the aspects of divorce that might motivate parties to earnestly negotiate a settlement may be totally lost on a narcissistic spouse.

Contact a Rolling Meadows, IL Divorce Lawyer

If you are divorcing a narcissist, you already know you are in for a challenging time. It is important that your Arlington Heights, IL divorce attorney also has a good understanding of how the narcissistic spouse may manipulate and try to control the process.

When you choose Law Offices of Donald J. Cosley to represent you during your divorce, you will have an attorney who will handle all aspects of your case. When you call with a question, you will speak directly to the attorney and will not be passed off to another staff member. Call 847-253-3100 to schedule your free consultation.