Knowing What is Best for the Children

 Posted on November 17, 2015 in Child Custody

In today’s modern world, divorce has become a simple fact of life. Pundits and religious leaders can debate forever over the perceived cultural and moral changes that have led to the widespread acceptance of divorce, but the reality remains unchanged. Sometimes, marriages fail, and sometimes, before they fail, those marriages produce children. A parent going through a divorce is often faced with a number of difficult decisions, each one driven by the same thought: “Is this the best thing for my child?” While such an approach is certainly understandable, there are some things that any parent should keep in mind when the end of his or her marriage becomes a possibility.

Getting Out May Be Necessary

“Staying together for the kids” is a long-held mantra for many parents who feel trapped in a bad marital relationship. However, the maxim may be starting to lose its strength, as parenting and family experts are beginning to realize that doing so may be counterproductive. The idea of remaining in an unhealthy marriage evolved as the result of parents believing that their children “deserved” a traditional, two-parent household, almost no matter what. Research is now showing that while the two-parent part is important, the single household part is not a requirement. It is often better for a child to have two happy, divorced parents than two miserable, married parents who fight constantly and make the home a much less healthy environment.

Trial and Error

As you and your soon to be ex-spouse work toward an arrangement regarding the care of your children and parenting time, you both need to accept that you are not perfect. You are both people who will make mistakes, even with the best of intentions. When mistakes happen, find a way to fix them, and communicate with your ex about what caused them so you can prevent them in the future. For example, if you insisted that you be responsible for getting your children to and from school every day, but the reality is proving to be more difficult that you realized, it is ok to admit you were wrong. Ask for help, and work out a better solution. Not only will your children be fine, they will also learn important lessons about addressing obstacles and creative problem-solving.

Love Your Children

Above all, try not to lose sight of loving your children each and every day. No matter how difficult the relationship between you and your ex may be, allow him or her to love them too. You are bound to express that love in different ways, of course, but if the two of you can keep their well-being as your top priority, you will find a way to make it work. Even when it is difficult, your children will be able to withstand just about anything, as long as they feel loved, validated, and supported by both parents.

If you are thinking about divorce and have questions regarding how the process may affect your children, contact an experienced Rolling Meadows family law attorney. At the Cosley Law Office, we are committed to helping families through the divorce process, allowing for a healthier, more productive future. Call 847-253-3100 to schedule your free initial consultation today and let us help you build the new life you deserve.

Sources:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/04/02/advice-from-children-of-divorce-_n_6978822.html

http://www.parenting.com/article/raising-healthy-happy-kids-through-a-divorce