How to Tell Your Children You Are Getting Divorced

 Posted on September 17, 2019 in Divorce

If you are a parent who is considering ending your marriage, you are probably very concerned about how the divorce will affect your children. The good news is that having divorced parents no longer carries the stigma it once did. Your children probably have friends and schoolmates who are happily living a life split between two households.

While divorce can be challenging for children to work through, many studies show that it is better for children to have divorced parents than married parents who are obviously miserable together. There is no perfect way to tell your kids that you and their other parent are divorcing, but experts do have advice to help the conversation go as smoothly as possible.

Reassure Children that the Divorce is Not Their Fault

Often, when children hear that their parents are getting divorced, they worry that they did something to cause the split. The complexity of adult relationships can be too much for children to understand, so their minds invent their own reasons for why their parents are divorcing. Make sure to tell your children that you and the other parent are making this decision because it is what is best for you, not because either of you is upset with the children. It is also important to remind the children that they will still be loved just the same as they were when you and the other parent were together. This is likely to be a conversation that needs to repeated several times, and it is important to not get frustrated with your children’s need for reassurance.

Make the Conversation Age Appropriate

The conversation about divorce should vary depending on your children’s ages. Children under age five will struggle to understand and remember what is happening. It is best to only tell younger children the essential information and leave out details they cannot comprehend. Older children can understand the situation better, but may still be confused and overwhelmed. You may have to remind school-aged children that you and the other parent are not getting back together and that the separation is final.

Teenaged children will best be able to understand their parent’s decision to divorce, but it is still important for parents to be cautious of oversharing. Children do not need to know why the marriage ended or who was to blame for the breakdown of the marriage. This can make them feel like they have to choose sides. Instead, keep your information fact-based and focused on need-to-know information like where and when the children will be living with each parent.

Contact a Rolling Meadows Family Law Attorney

For help with divorce, child support issues, and more, contact an experienced Arlington Heights divorce attorney at Cosley Law Office. Our team will meet with you to discuss your case and assist you in exploring all of your available options. Schedule a free consultation today by calling 847-253-3100 today.

Sources:

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Building-Resilience/Pages/How-to-Talk-to-Your-Children-about-Divorce.aspx

https://www.todaysparent.com/family/kids-and-divorce-an-age-by-age-guide/