Divorcing a Toxic Spouse When You Are Financially Dependent

 Posted on January 08, 2025 in Divorce

Divorce is rarely easy in any sense of the word. Even couples who agree on the divorce and on most issues are likely to have some emotional bumps and bruises during the process. Unfortunately, many women are faced with an untenable choice: stay in a toxic, even violent marriage or leave and face the likelihood of poverty.

While all breakups are tough, financial dependence can trap one spouse in a toxic, even abusive, relationship. Domestic violence is about control, and there is no better way to exercise control over another person than by limiting his or her economic well-being.

One study found that almost 73 percent of domestic abuse survivors stayed with an abusive partner for financial reasons. At least half stayed at least two years longer than they wanted to because they lacked financial resources. If you are facing a divorce with limited financial resources, consider talking to an experienced Arlington Heights, IL family law attorney from Law Offices of Donald J. Cosley.

How Does a Spouse Sabotage the Other's Ability to Gain Economic Independence?

The study mentioned above also found that:

• More than three-quarters of the wives of abusive husbands were prohibited from enrolling in higher education or working to make a living.
• Almost half of the wives who were enrolled in college were forced to drop or retake classes due to a toxic relationship.
• Almost 70 percent of these wives were prohibited from working, and more than half lost their job due to their husband’s abusive behaviors.
•  More than 72 percent of the women in abusive relationships said their partner took money from them, damaged, destroyed, or took their personal property, or engaged in financial behaviors that negatively impacted the wife’s credit.

For many of these women, staying in a toxic relationship was a better choice than facing homelessness, particularly when children were involved.

What You Must Know – And Do – Before Filing for Divorce

It is important to know your housing rights before you file for divorce. If you and your spouse both signed a rental or lease agreement, you may be able to have your spouse leave the home. Homeownership with both spouses on the mortgage is the same.

If, however, your home is only in your spouse’s name, you may find it more difficult to stay in the home. In this case, your first priority before filing for divorce will be to find a housing solution. This could involve renting a small apartment, staying with relatives until you get back on your feet financially, or even considering a women’s shelter.

Your next goal will be to secure employment, although this may be much more difficult while you are living with your toxic spouse. You may consider signing up with a temp agency or starting a side hustle like an Uber driver or DoorDash driver until you can seek permanent employment. You might also consider furthering your education, perhaps starting online until you can attend in-person classes.

Open a bank account in your name only and make a budget. Cut all unnecessary spending and save every dime you can toward your future. Perhaps you have items that could be sold or returned for cash. Start an emergency fund that can help you rent an apartment when the time comes. Consider signing up for health insurance for you and your children with the Affordable Care Act.

See if you qualify for Medicaid and food assistance. Ask your divorce attorney about having the judge order your spouse to pay for your attorney fees. If this is not an option, ask about a payment plan. Having an attorney who will fight for your future is a crucial part of getting out of a toxic marriage.  

Contact a Rolling Meadows, IL Divorce Lawyer

Removing yourself from a toxic or abusive situation takes resilience and determination. Take each day one step at a time and speak to an experienced, compassionate Arlington Heights, IL divorce attorney from Law Offices of Donald J. Cosley. Attorney Cosley personally handles all aspects of his cases; when you call with questions, you will speak to him and will never be passed off to a subordinate. Call 847-253-3100 to schedule your free consultation.